It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
