I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
