thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
