***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
