Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
