We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
