I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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