Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
