uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
