Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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