If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
