the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
