Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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