oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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