great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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