You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
