I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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