Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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