I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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