I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
