you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
