The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
did i walk over a car last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
