I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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