my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
