don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
