I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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