i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
