he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
