Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
