JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
