I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
