By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
