Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
