ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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