Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
