Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize