You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize