Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
