my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
