Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
