# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
