Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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