i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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