yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
