ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
