You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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