is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
