She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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