And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
