so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
