Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
