you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
