Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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