Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
