I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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