i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
