you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
