How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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