i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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