She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
