I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
