Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize