I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
