Pappa wants mamma naked
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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