You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
