i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
