One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
