Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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