Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
