I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
